The list above was taken from “545 People” by Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel. The 545 includes the members of congress, the President and the Supreme Court – those to whom he attributes responsibility for enacting the list into law for the remaining 300,000,000 of us.
Reese states that even with these taxes we are still in the red; we have a huge deficit. That got me to thinking. “What would be our government’s natural response?” More taxes, of course; that would get us out of the red. More is always better. The problem then becomes what possibly is left to tax? This is a daunting task given the laundry list of taxes already enacted, but I am sure the IRS is up to it.
The following are proposed taxes from a White Paper circulated inside IRi$, the Internal Revenue idea Service: (Note the small “i” in IRi$; all ideas in IRi$ are small because no one takes credit for them.)
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. A: The Baby Tax. Tax babies; the more you have the higher the tax. Some religious groups that have high birth rates might object, but there is always someone objecting to new taxes anyway. IRi$ has thick skin. There’s a thought; maybe we could tax people based on the thickness of their skin. Probably not, there are too many thin-skinned people in the country.
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. B: The Baby Tax. If we can have a graduated income tax, we can have a graduated baby tax based on numbers of babies born; we could also graduate the tax based on weight similar to vehicle taxes in some states. We will get our friends in the medical community to prove that heavier babies come from healthier moms who are more able to support the baby so they are more able to pay increased taxes. This might work.
We will appoint a committee, or better yet a task force to spend tens of millions of dollars to assess the merit of the idea. We better use the word “feasibility” instead because the merit of the idea wouldn’t stand the scrutiny of a task force and more importantly wouldn’t cost enough to determine. Maybe our task force could consult the Chinese; they have dealt with this baby population thing. We certainly would need to take a junket to China for first hand observations and consultations. That would only cost a few million, but we would get some terrific pictures of the Great Wall.
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. C: The Oxygen Tax. Tax the air. We will develop a scale of annual oxygen intake based on body mass. Everyone will need to have a body mass examination conducted by government. We don’t have enough resources to do that so we will outsource it to our friends in the insurance industry and the medical community. An inordinate number of people in the country already are overweight and will have high body mass ratios so the tax will earn maximum dollars.
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. C: The Oxygen Tax. Subsection O2. We can apply a penalty to people who have to use oxygen assistance equipment. Given the number of smokers in the country that population is bound to increase geometrically returning even more dollars. By Jove we should be out of debt in no time.
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. D: The Tree Tax. We can apply a penalty for planting trees that increase the oxygen supply thus limiting the need for oxygen assistance equipment reducing the creation of jobs in that industry.
IRi$ Proposal 10040. Sec. E: The Forest Industry Tax Incentive. We can apply an incentive for harvesting more trees, or better yet like the farmers’ Crop Reduction Program we can create programs for not planting trees, the SMOG incentive (Save More Oxygen Guarantee). It will be cheaper than price supports. Given this concept, think of what we might do for the fossil fuel industries and tobacco industry.
We better stop at this point because we might be raking in so much money that the government would be in the black and have to begin returning tax dollars to the citizens. Silly me, that isn’t a problem. The government would just have more to spend.
You can finish this on your own; i am sure you have more great ideas for taxable goods and services. i need to go finish my preparing my taxes.
T minus 5.
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