Retired or Retread?

"A recent retiree writes that he's tired of retirement already, "I wake up in the morning with nothing to do, and by bedtime I have it only half done."" ~ Anonymous

The retiree in the quote isn’t me; I feel like I have much to do, contributions to make. I am not even sure what I am. Retired? Partially retired? Embarking on a new career? Retread? This retirement thing is confusing. Still, I have decided today is my retirement day, but over a year ago I went to the state retirement system, and retired. I was retired, right? It seems so, but I went right back to work at my school teaching half-time.

So, I wasn’t retired. That job is no longer there for me, and again I retired. This time it is to pursue a writing career, but I do not feel retired. I am working, and hopefully someday for financial gain. Just the same, today I have an appointment at the Social Security office to apply for benefits. This feels like retirement.

I have dragged my feet about applying for social security. I have been eligible for nearly a year, but have delayed. Maybe, it is because I read too much. We certainly have a heard a lot about the demise of social security. To quote Yogi Berra, “The future ain't what it used to be,” and Tennessee Williams, “Security is a kind of death.” With these thoughts in mind, I can conclude that my security in the future ain’t what it used to be and is a kind of death. Now, there’s a pleasant thought. No wonder I am ambivalent.

After forty-five years working, supporting myself and my family I now will be relying on our state and federal government to support me. There’s a scary thought! Plus, it sounds a lot like going on the “government dole.” Intellectually, I know that applying for “benefits” means gaining access to my own money, contributions that I made for half a century. Yet emotionally, it carries a sense of capitulation. I will be a recipient of government services rather than a contributor. It has a sense of finality to it that vexes me. It says, “You’re old; you’re on Social Security.” When I was young everyone who was “on Social Security” was old, real old. There is also the connotation of “You’re done; you can rest now.”

The “old” part does not bother me; I know better. Helen Hayes said, “Age is not important unless you’re cheese,” and in the vernacular of Yogi I ain’t cheese. We read that eighty-five is the new sixty-five, and I know age is solely a matter of attitude. From Jack Benny, “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” I don’t mind, and it doesn’t matter. What does is the idea of someone thinking I am done. What others think shouldn’t matter, but since I have taken this much page space to consider it, it must. I just don’t like being type-casted, to have expectations for me lowered.

Well, it is nearing appointment time. I guess I will get in my town car, motor safely down the freeway at 55mph, and shuffle up to the office to check in so I can check out.


“Retired or Retread?”
Copyright © 2010 Michael J. McCabe
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